I Can't Live Without You
by BridgetWestfall96
Summary: Fourth Story in the 'It Comes With The Territory' series. A month after Lara left for Boston, Poppy is struggling to cope without her and starts to act up again. Desperate to see Lara again, Poppy makes a decision that endangers her health but will it bring Lara home? Rated T Just in case
1. Chapter 1

_Summary Extended: It's been a month since Lara left for Boston and though she won't admit it, Poppy misses her like crazy. After coming to rely on Lara, Poppy can't cope without her and her behaviour deteriorates in school and at home. Struggling for ideas on how to get her fun Auntie back, Poppy makes a decision that endangers her health in a last attempt to get Lara to return to the country._

**Chapter 1 - I can't live without you**

(Rachel's POV)

Ever since Lara had left for her new job in Boston, Poppy had been a completely different child. She'd been a complete tearaway both in school and at home and I was running out of punishments because whatever I did, she just didn't care. Her grades were at their lowest, her punctuality and attendance were shocking and her behaviour was even worse and the concept of homework was non-existent in her eyes.

Lara hadn't called Poppy since she got there and although she'd never admit it I knew Poppy was missing her... Things with Adam and I were really good and we were trying to present a united front against her but all our attempts had failed. I'd tried getting her to talk to Kim now that the pair were on better terms but Poppy dug up the hatchet they had buried and used the past to turn against Kim. She was out of control and I was at the end of my tether.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door, I headed to the front door and opened it before standing to the side. I'd known who it was before I'd even opened the door. Poppy hurried past me and straight upstairs to her room.

"What's she done this time?" I asked, the exhaustion clear in my voice

"About to vandalise public property" One of the policemen answered holding up an evidence bag with a can of red spray paint inside

"Thanks for bringing her home, I'll make sure it doesn't happen again" I told them

"Yeah, that's what you said last time" His voice sounded annoyed

His partner nudged him gently and he tipped his hat gently before bidding me a goodnight and returning to his car.

I closed the front door and climbed the stairs to the attic room which as always was locked. Loud music blared through the wood, which was covered in spray paint. I banged on the door loudly.

"Poppy! Open this door right now!" I shouted

She opened the door a little and looked at me.

"What do you want?" She asked the attitude clear in her voice

I walked inside not waiting for an invite and unplugged her docking station.

"Tell me what I can do to make you happy?" I asked exasperated

She rolled her eyes, it wasn't the first time we'd had a conversation about her behaviour and each time I got the same reaction.

"All I have done is love you, care for you and try to protect you but I don't know what else to do with you! You don't listen to me, your dad, your teachers, the police! So what do you want me to do Poppy?"

She didn't answer me.

"This is all because of Lara isn't it?" I asked

"No!" She snapped "I don't care that she's gone"

(Poppy's POV)

The truth couldn't be further from what I'd said, of course I cared! I wanted her back more than anything, I was sick of losing people and Lara had always been there even when I tried to get rid of her and now she was just gone. It was like she didn't even care anymore.

Rachel sighed deeply and shook her head gently before going back downstairs.

I just wished there was something I could do to get her to come back, I sunk down on my bed staring at my wallpaper on my phone. It was a picture of me smiling and Lara with her arms wrapped around me from behind. A tear rolled down my face as I remembered the day we spent at the beach all together.

I woke up the next morning with my phone still in my hand, fully dressed. I must have fallen asleep. I'd been dreaming about the first time I'd met Lara, she was a psychiatrist and I hadn't been able to get rid of her because I needed her help and she'd left when I didn't need her anymore because I was taking the medication. So if I stopped taking my tablets then I'd need her again and she'd be forced to come home... To sort me out.

A smile spread across my face, I could make her come home.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you Waterlooroadrachel and Guests for the first reviews! So glad you're interested in it :) xxxxx_

**I can't live without you - Chapter 2**

(Poppy's POV)

The day passed by at an unusually slow rate, maybe it was because it was the first time in weeks that I'd spent an entire day in school and in a classroom. I was normally skiving or in the cooler, but for some reason today I just couldn't be bothered. I met Rachel after school like I was supposed to do everyday. She seemed surprised to see me but didn't say anything.

When I got home I went straight to my room like I always did and laid on my bed just staring at the ceiling. I didn't feel any different so what did the pills actually do? Maybe I didn't need them anymore?

My phone started vibrating across my wooden bedside table and I picked it up, staring at the screen for a long second.

**Lara Calling...**

I pressed the accept button and put the phone to my ear.

"Hi, It's me. Lara" She said

"Hi"

"Listen, I'm sorry I haven't called. I haven't had a minute to myself, but the new unit is open and things are finally up and running. How's things at home? Are you okay?" She asked

Tears rolled down my face uncontrollably at the sound of her voice, I wiped they away furious at myself for getting this upset over her. I sniffled softly but it didn't go unnoticed by Lara.

"Poppy?" She asked softly

I put the phone down quickly before switching it off and sobbing into one of my pillows. It didn't take long for Rachel to come up.

(Rachel's POV)

I just gotten off the phone with Lara and we'd been talking about how Poppy had been the past few weeks and how she'd just been with Lara on the phone. I sat perched on her bed.

"Poppy?"

I pulled her into my arms softly and rubbed her back. It was the first time she'd been near me in weeks and I was taking advantage of it. She seemed more emotional today than she had, maybe she was just sick of playing the tough girl. She fell asleep in my arms, something that she also hadn't done for a few weeks. I tucked her in before going off to bed myself.

The next morning, Poppy was acting a bit strange but after the past few weeks I could deal with strange.

I made it to lunchtime without having hear about Poppy causing any trouble. I stood on the corridor looking out over the playground when Tom approached me.

"Rachel, have you seen Poppy today?" He asked

"Not since I dropped her off this morning why?"

"She doesn't seem herself..."

"What do you mean?"

"Listen Rach, when it happened with Josh I didn't want to make the call either but I think she needs some help" Tom said

"She's fine, A bit off colour but she's fine"s

We were interrupted by the sound of breaking glass and the fire alarm, we rushed around the corner to see Poppy repeatedly slamming the side of her hand into the already broken glass.

"You need to ring an ambulance" Tom said

"No. Lara's coming over for the weekend, I just need to get her home"

"Okay go. I sort things here"

(Lara's POV)

When I was finally back in England, I got a taxi straight to the house where I let myself in as usual and found Rachel in the kitchen, deep in thought drinking coffee. I gave her a quick hug and a smile to settle her worried face.

"Can you have a word with Poppy, she's acting strange. I think she's stopped taking her meds"

"Okay, it's okay I'll sort it" I smiled softly

Rachel seemed a little panicked and when Rachel got panicked there was normally something wrong. I headed upstairs to her room expecting to find her asleep or watching TV but her room was empty.

I approached the bathroom door which was closed and gently knocked.

"Poppy? Are you in there?" I called

I didn't get an answer just silence.

"Poppy! Open the door! Poppy!" I called, growing worried

I took a step before slamming my foot into the wood, the door shuddered but didn't open, the second time the wood cracked a little but again the door didn't open. The third and final time, the door flung open and swung back violently crashing into the towel rack.

Poppy was laid on the white tiled floor, barely awake. I rushed to her side, crouching in front of her, my hands on either side of her face.

Her eyes were glazed and it was like she was looking right through me. I could see the glistening paths on her cheeks where the tears had fallen and more continued to drip.

"Poppy how many have you taken?" I asked her, the panic setting in a little

She didn't answer me.

"Poppy!? How many?" I asked again

"All of them" she answered simply, her voice barely a whisper

All of them? There must have been at least 50/60 tablets in each bottle...

I took the vodka bottle out of her hands and dumped it on the floor behind her before spinning her round to the toilet.

"Poppy, you need to make yourself sick" I told her

She shook her head, more tears falling.

I didn't have time to waste, the more time I spent arguing with her about it, the more of the poison was being absorbed into her bloodstream. I stood behind her, leaning over, then with my left hand I held her chin, I didn't fancy any teeth marks in my hand and I didn't think she would but if she did, I could take an injection and a dressing... Her body couldn't take this.

Using my right hand, I stuck my fingers down her throat until she was forced to rid her body of the toxic ingredients that she'd ingested. She tried to fight against me but her body was exhausted and her attempts were feeble.

I rubbed her back softly as she vomited the vodka and tablet fragments into the toilet, trying to give her a little bit of comfort and let her know it was okay.

"Good girl, that's it" I soothed

When she got a brief interval, she tried to move away but, I put her right back.

"You need to stay there sweetheart" I told her just before another fountain erupted

I grabbed a blanket wrapping it around her shoulders but I could still feel the shivers coming from her. I held a glass of water close and when I was sure she'd rid her system of most of it, I handed it to her sipping it slowly.

I pulled out my phone, dialling 999 and asking for an ambulance. As soon as the realisation hit Poppy, she fought against me, weakly, sobbing as she did.

"No, please... I'm sorry..." She cried "I just wanted you to come back"

After I put the phone down, I looked at her straight in the eye, my features full of sympathy and concern.


	3. Chapter 3

**I can't live without you - Chapter 3**

(Poppy's POV)

I woke up feeling strange, my whole body felt warm and fuzzy but I felt somewhat grounded. I was still pretty groggy and drowsy. I couldn't keep my eyes open for long but I caught sight of Rachel's worried face before I drifted back to sleep.

When I woke up the second time I felt much less spaced out and Rachel was gone. Instead Lara was sat beside me looking unimpressed. I wasn't sure if I'd imagined her in the bathroom but she was really here and she didn't look happy. I pulled myself up a bit so I was sitting and Lara handed me some water which I sipped slowly as I fully got my bearings.

"Where's Rachel?" I asked

"I told her to go home and get some sleep. We need to talk" She said

I new that meant that I was in for a lecture and I guessed I kind of deserved it.

"Do you realise how dangerous what you did was? What if I hadn't come back? Rachel would have found you on the bathroom floor, probably dead..."

"I didn't think, it just happened" I said quietly

"It wouldn't of happened at all if you'd been taking your medication, they did a tox screen. What were you thinking?" She asked

I didn't say anything, I wasn't in any rush to admit the truth.

"Poppy?" She asked, her voice a little sterner

"I thought that if I needed you again... Then you'd have to come back" I said quietly, squeezing my eyes shut tightly as a tear fell

"You stopped taking your medication so I'd come back?" She asked, the shock was clear but her voice was softer now

"You didn't ring or text or email... I didn't know what else to do..." I told her my voice breaking

She moved to sit on the bed, wrapping her arms around me as I buried myself in her scent and clung on for dear life.

"You could have died. What good would that have done? Hey?" She asked

I didn't answer, just tried to contain my sobs as I melted further into her arms.

She rubbed my back softly, before pulling away and using her thumbs to wipe away my tears.

(Lara's POV)

How could I go back? That job was kind of a big deal for me, being the head psychiatrist at a brand new institution but, I had to decide what came first in my list of priorities. If me staying in Rochdale was the only thing that could keep Poppy safe then that's what I had to do. I didn't know if I could stay as the school nurse though, I missed my registrar job at Holby ED. Maybe I'd go back to that?

"Is Rachel mad at me?" She asked

I shook my head. "She's scared she's going to lose you... Poppy you have to promise me you won't do anything like this again?"

She nodded softly.

"I'm going to go and see if I can get you out of here, I think you'd benefit from your own bed" I smiled

I left the room going to reception, I signed her off as having seen a psychiatrist and spoke to her doctor who agreed with me that she was better off at home as long as she was closely monitored which I assured her she would be.

Poppy got ready in record time and we were on our way to the car in less than an hour. She stopped dead in her tracks, staring blankly across the car park.

(Poppy's POV)

It was impossible, she was gone. I closed my eyes tightly, rubbing them before looking again. It was her.

"Em!" I called "Emily!"

She didn't turn around, why was she ignoring me?

I ran across the car park and grabbed hold of her, turning her to face me.

"Em... It's me"s

She didn't recognise me... Why didn't she recognise me?

The girl looked at a woman panic stricken who came over and pushed me away.

"Get away from my daughter!" She said her voice disgusted "Holly go to the car"

Holly? No that was Emily. Why didn't she know who I was?

"No Em! Em! What have you done to her!?" I shouted

"Excuse me? Who even are you!?" The woman asked

"Poppy, come on" Lara said grabbing my arm

"No! She has Em!" I yelled

"Poppy listen to me... Emily is gone, she's dead" Lara tried to tell me

" I thought so but I've just seen her"

"That girl is not Em... Come on?"

She turned me round but I looked the other way at the girl in the car as Lara forced me to leave.s

"I'm sorry..." Lara apologised

The woman nodded understandingly and gave me a sympathetic look before she walked off to the car.

I wasn't crazy! That girl was Em! I knew my sister!


	4. Chapter 4

**I can't live without you - Chapter 4**

(Lara's POV)

I had to pretty much pull Poppy to the car while she looked over her shoulder the entire time. I put her in the car and walked around to the drivers side. I was worried that this would set her back, the girl looked like Em but it wasn't her. Emily was dead and that girl seemed to have given Poppy some hope that Em was going to come back and she wasn't. When she realised that Em was really gone, she'd crumble and I couldn't let her go back there. She seemed spooked but, happier in a way. I could see the hope in her eyes and I hated that I had to take that away from her.

"Poppy, you know that Em's gone? Don't you?" I asked

She just wouldn't listen, the small smile stayed on her face as she stayed in her hopeful little world.

I didn't know what to say to her, I hadn't seen that spark in her for a long time and it seemed wrong to take it away from her.

As soon as I pulled up outside the house she rushed inside.

"Poppy! Wait!" I called, but she'd gone

I rushed in the house behind her to find her in Rachel's arms. Then before I could say anything she blurted it out.

"Em's alive!" She said excitedly

"What?" Rachel asked, taking a step back

"No she's not" I told her softly

"Yes she is! Why are you saying that!? You were there! You saw her!" She shouted

"Poppy you need to listen to me... That wasn't Em. She is gone"

"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!"

I gave her a sympathetic look.

"Don't look at me like that! I'll prove it!" She shouted, rushing for the front door

I beat her there and closed the door just as she opened it. Rachel was completely in shock and still hadn't moved from the kitchen.

"Get out of my way!" She shouted "Lara!"

I wasn't moving no matter what she did.

(Poppy's POV)

"Poppy, stop it" She told me sternly, her Australian accent was stronger when she spoke with authority "Go upstairs and get some rest, you just got out of hospital. You don't need to be overdoing it"

I didn't say anything, just silently turned and went upstairs to my room. There would be a way out up there. I wasn't going to stop, I needed to find Em. I closed my bedroom door, grabbing my laptop and sitting on my bed with my legs crossed. I didn't even know what to search... I loaded google and typed in the most obvious.

**Emily Mills**

It came back with nothing but newspaper articles from the date she "died". I needed to speak to Tom or Angela, one of them had to know something...

"What you doing?" Lara asked as she reached the top of the stairs

I shut the laptop lid as fast as I could. "Nothing" I lied

She came closer and handed me a glass of water and two tablets.

"This how it's going to be? You treating me like a baby?"

"You asked for this when you decided to stop taking them..." Lara told me

"I only did that because I wanted you to come back"

"Well now I'm here, to make sure it doesn't happen again"

"What are they? They look different to my usual ones" I asked

"Sleeping tablets"

"I don't need to sleep... I don't want to" I told her

"Your body needs to rest..."

"If I take these... Tomorrow, you help me find my sister?"

Lara sighed deeply but after realising it was the only deal she was getting, nodded gently.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry haven't updated in a while, I was 18 so I've been getting tattooed and drunk and sorting banks and houses etc. Before I start uni :) xxx**

**I can't live without you - Chapter 5**

(Lara's POV)

Rachel and Adam managed to get a last minute deal on a romantic break to Australia. I'd lent them a holiday home that had been left to me by my parents, it was near the beach and peaceful. They needed to get away, Rachel needed a break. She needed time away from Poppy. Stress free.

As for Poppy... She needed to face the truth and I knew that was going to be hard for her. Rachel didn't need to watch her fall apart, she'd had enough stress to deal with. By the time Rachel got back in three weeks, I'd have Poppy back on track and away from this idea that her sister was alive.

Poppy stood at the bottom of the stairs, the suitcases were in the taxi and all that was left was to say goodbye. She hugged Adam first and then Rachel, for a minute or so.

"Be good for Lara" Rachel told her

"I will" Poppy assured her

"No late nights, eat properly, don't have take-away every night and take your meds..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" Poppy said, sarcastically

"Poppy... Please?" Rachel said

Poppy nodded and Rachel kissed her head as the taxi beeped it's horn.

"Go on... I'll look after her" I told her

Rachel gave Poppy one last, short tight hug and the pair got in the taxi and drove away into the distance.

As soon as she shut the door, Poppy turned to face me with her arms folded.

"You made a deal. Help me find Em"

"I know where Em is... Get your shoes and your coat"

(Poppy's POV)

We didn't drive for long, before we pulled into the graveyard.

"What are we doing here? You said we were going to see Em!"

"I want to show you something"

She stopped in front of the headstone, that I knew far too well... I stopped a couple of graves away and looked her straight in the eye.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked

"You need to accept the truth. Emily is dead. She's gone. She's not coming back no matter how much you want her to."

I didn't say anything, just looked at her with disbelief and then turned walking away to the car and getting in without a single word.

I stared blankly out of the window all the way home despite Lara's attempt to talk to me and start a conversation.

When we got back I went straight upstairs and sat in the corner. I just stared out of the glass. I sat there most of the night, Lara thought I was crazy, she wasn't going to help me. I was going to have to do it myself.

About 10pm Lara brought me my meds up, I didn't care what she said. I wasn't taking them.

I'd moved to my bed but was still fully dressed. She placed the cup and tablets on my bedside table and bent down to meet my eye level.

"Come on darling, you can't go on like this" She told me

I didn't answer, I just rolled over and ignored her.

"Listen, I know it feels like I'm just being horrible but I'm doing this for your own good. I need you to trust me"

"...Why would I trust _you_?... I wish you'd never come back, you should have stayed in Boston"

She didn't reply just left me by myself, she knew I didn't mean it deep down but it still wasn't nice to hear.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long, just been diagnosed with BPD and I spent some time in a psychiatric hospital. Actually quite fun places. Also I'm going to add some new characters into it including but not limited to, Lorna Hutchinson, Lenny and Lisa Brown and Shaznay.

(Poppy's POV)

I knew they were too polite to say it but none of them wanted me around. Rachel and Adam just wanted to be alone and in love without the hassle of a brat and Lara wanted to be living her dreams in Boston. They'd all be much happier without me around…

But, seeing as though none of them would let me die, there was only one other way that I could give them what they wanted. I had to go home.

Without Em, there was nothing left she could do to hurt me. I didn't care anymore.

I grabbed my rucksack from under my bed and started shoving clothes into it, as much as I could fit leaving the really expensive ones where they were, Rachel could flog them and get back some of the money she'd wasted on me.

When I had everything, I made my way silently down the stairs making sure not to wake Lara. I didn't leave a note.

I rung a taxi, it was too far to walk and it was freezing. It didn't take long to drive there about 30 minutes. I paid the driver and got out, I watched as the taxi pulled away and I stood there in the dark staring at the house.

Music was blaring loudly… I guess mum was off the wagon again.

I tried knocking but no one heard me and the door was open so I just walked in. I took my stuff up to my room and then tried to find my mum, in the heaving house.

"Popster!" My mum shouted drunkenly over the music "What are you doing here?"

"I've come home" I told her

She hugged me nearly falling over as she did so.

"Oi! Turn up that music my baby's home!" She yelled at some guy, who did as she requested

She handed me a can of beer. "Let's celebrate, my girl's home finally!"

I was about to refuse it but, she'd just get angry and if I was going to be tidying up the mess then I may as well enjoy myself first.

I smiled cracking open the can and drinking half of it quickly.

"That's my girl!" Mum smiled

****The next morning****

I woke up at the bottom of the stairs slumped against the wall with absolutely no recollection of what had happened the night before. There was a half empty bottle of vodka on its side next to me and my t-shirt had blood on it. My head was pounding, I pulled my phone out of my pocket which no had a cracked screen and checked the time. 9:45.

I was definitely going to be late for school, I rushed upstairs threw my uniform on, tied my hair up and washed the blood off my face before taking some painkillers for my headache. There was a cut on one side of my forehead and my eye had a forming black ring around it, I couldn't remember how it had happened at all.

I grabbed my bag and rushed off hoping I could sneak into school unseen. I should be so lucky.

I made it through the door and took a few steps down the corridor when someone stopped me.

"Hey! Why aren't you in class?" A voice I didn't recognise asked me

I turned around to see a blonde woman with ripped tights and black marks on her face. She still had her coat on and was holding her car keys.

"What happened to your face?" She asked

"What happened to _your _face?" I threw back

"Car broke down" She replied "And you?"

I shrugged.

"Why aren't you in class?" She repeated

"What's it got to do with you?" I asked "Who even are you?"

"Miss Hutchinson, new deputy head"

"Wow… Mason's lost it" I scoffed before turning and walking away.

I didn't get far.

"Poppy!" Mr Clarkson called "Come here"

I turned around and did as he asked. Mr Clarkson had been good to me and he was a decent guy.

"You don't talk to teachers that way, am I clear?" He asked

"Yes sir" I replied

"Where's your mum?"

"At home" I replied

"Rachel's back?" He asked surprised

"No" I replied

"Think you and me need to have a chat?" He said

"No we don't" I said quickly

"Yes we do"


	7. Chapter 7

**I can't live without you – Chapter 7**

(Tom's POV)

I frog marched Poppy up to Rachel's office where I told her to take a seat, she refused. This wasn't the Poppy I knew, this was the old Poppy.

"What's going on?" I asked

"Nothing"

"Don't give me that" I told her "Why are you living with your mum?"

"I just am alright! Keep your nose out!" She snapped

"So if I ring Lara, she knows exactly where you are?"

She groaned loudly in frustration "Get off my back!"

She stormed out of the office.

I knew there was no point going after her, I had no idea what was going on but, I was going to find out.

(Poppy's POV)

I had physics first with that new cow, Hutchinson. I stared through the glass at the listening class, it didn't look appealing but I went in anyway.

"Look at the state of it" A lively girl with wild hair tutted

I tried my best to ignore her and took a seat at the back to avoid prying eyes.

I could hear the brat I'd identified as Shaznay Montrose whispering and giggling throughout the class, every so often she'd turn and stare before turning back around and continuing to giggle.

I had just about lost patience with her when there was a knock and Mr Clarkson interrupted the class.

"Can I borrow Poppy please?" He asked

Miss Hutchinson nodded and I stood up pushing my chair backwards.

"Bring your stuff" He added

I grabbed my bag following him from the room; I followed him through the corridors and up to the pastoral care office without a word. He opened the door and motioned for me to go inside; when I had he closed the door behind me and left me in the room. I wasn't alone though…

"Have a seat" Lara said

I sat down on the blue sofa and waited for an explanation. She wasn't alone, there was a blonde woman who had her hair clipped back, she was wearing suit trousers and a purple shirt, there was an ID badge clipped to her belt but I couldn't make out what it said and I didn't recognise the logo.

"This is Bridget Westfall; she's a friend of mine"

I was confused, why was Lara introducing me to her friends instead of lecturing me about being irresponsible.

"Oh kay" I replied, the confusion clear in my voice

"Poppy, Bridget is a psychologist. I think you two should have a chat"

"No. Why? I don't need a psychologist"

"Yes you do, Poppy we are running out of options, you won't take the medication, you won't talk to us, and the delusions are just getting worse. I understand that you might not want to talk to me or your mum or dad but you_ need_ to talk to someone" Lara said

"I don't, I'm fine" I argued

"You're not and if you think that we're all just going to sit back and watch while you destroy yourself then you're wrong"

I stood up. "You can't force me to talk" I headed for the door and I'd just managed to grab the handle when she spoke again.

"I really didn't want it to come to this…" She sighed "Here are your options, either you sit down and start talking, properly or I will have you sectioned"

(Lara's POV)

I didn't like forcing her into it but she wasn't giving me any other choice, things had to change.

"You wouldn't" She challenged turning to face me

"Try me" I said, pulling out my phone to prove I was serious

She really didn't like that and she shot me a look of betrayal, but realised that I wasn't messing around and sat back on the blue sofa seeming more retreated than before.

"I'll come back in a bit" I told the pair and left the office.

Bridget and I were old friends from medical school in Melbourne and we'd come over to the UK around the same time. I tried to catch up with her when I could but it had been a while. Never the less I trusted her completely and maybe she'd be just what Poppy needed.


	8. Chapter 8

(Poppy's POV)

I told Bridget as little as possible while managing to keep myself out of hospital. Part of me wished that Lara had stayed in Boston; I wasn't her biggest fan right now. As soon as Bridget let me go I ran to the school gates and out of them. I ran all the way to mum's and let myself in with the spare key. I didn't even see it coming before her hand slammed into my cheek.

"What the hell are you doing here!? You'll get me in trouble with the social again!"

Automatically my hand moved to touch my cheek. It was sore and warm.

"I'm sorry" I told her quietly

She was drunk already and it was only midday.

About 10 minutes later there was a knock on the door. Mum answered it while I stood behind her. She opened the door slowly, cautiously. Probably expecting it to be the police or the social but it wasn't, it was the last person I was expecting. Rachel.

"Poppy get your stuff" Rachel told me

"Don't you dare" Mum told me, raising her hand

I knew what was coming, I squeezed my eyes shut quickly and waited but it never came. I opened them again slowly. Rachel had hold of mum's wrist.

"Let's be clear here, you EVER lay a hand on my daughter again and I'll have you arrested" Rachel snapped "Poppy get in the car, now"

I didn't wait for her to ask twice. A few minutes later Rachel put my bag in the boot and got in the driver's side. "Seatbelt" She said

Then she started the engine and drove down the road.

I was in so much trouble and I knew it.

When we reached home I was told to sit at the kitchen table and wait, which I did. This wasn't a mood that I'd seen Rachel in and quite honestly it was terrifying.

(Rachel's POV)

I'd had the full story from Lara over the phone the minute I'd stepped off the plane and I was furious. I couldn't believe that Poppy could be so irresponsible. We'd thought that leaving her with Lara would give her some time to forgive her for leaving and give Poppy time to sort her head out but apparently not. The soft approach wasn't working anymore. I understood Poppy had problems and that her behaviour wasn't entirely her own fault but we'd reached the point where she knew exactly what she was doing and I wasn't letting her continue to run rings around us.

After Lara had steri stripped Poppy's eye back together, the four of us sat around the dining table.

"What is going on Poppy?" I demanded

She shrugged gently, her face looking like she was about to burst into tears.

"How could you be so irresponsible and stupid enough to go back there after everything we did to get you and Emily out of there?"

"I don't know" She said quietly

"Do you not want to live here anymore is that it?" I asked

"Of course I do"

"Then why do you keep throwing everything back in my face. I have tried everything to look after and protect you!" I told her sternly

She looked down at the table.

"Look at me!" I demanded

She did a look of terror in her eyes.

"Things are going to change around here. I've spoken to your psychiatrist, we're having you sectioned Poppy"

"No, Rachel no please no. Don't send me back there" She pleaded

But, it was the last resort.

"I'm not sending you back, this is a different hospital. It's an all-female ward and Bridget works there. She's going to do some work with you"

(Poppy's POV)

Just as she said that Bridget appeared in the kitchen doorway, two policemen behind her. They knew I was going to kick off.

"Please Rachel" I begged her, tears over spilling my eyes.

My whole body was shaking.

"I'm sorry Poppy; you just can't keep yourself safe anymore"

Lara had moved from the table boxing me in between herself and Bridget. I ran for the door pushing her out of the way and pulling frantically on the door handle. It was locked.

The two police pinned me to the floor and cuffed me. Then something stabbed me in my leg and my whole body relaxed and I stopped thrashing against them.

As I slowly got sleepy, I was led outside and into the back of an ambulance. I lay on the bed and one of the paramedics tightened the safety straps before things went dark.


	9. Chapter 9

(Bridget's POV)

Poppy came round a few hours after we got to the hospital, we'd put her down the extra care corridor for now in seclusion. She was still groggy but once she realised where she was she started thrashing violently against the straps that held her to the bed.

"Poppy, calm down" I told her "I don't want to have to sedate you again"

"I'm not crazy!" She screamed, still thrashing against the straps

"No one is saying that, calm down" I said softly

I put my hand on her cheek stroking it with my thumb; she quickly flicked her head to one side and bit me. I pulled my hand away instinctively. I sighed softly. I'd just have to wait a few days for her meds to kick in.

"Right Poppy, You're on a section 2 you know that means you can be held here against your will for up to 28 days and given treatment without your consent. You can't leave the hospital unless you've been assessed by a doctor. You can have visitors once you're stable" I told her, before I attached a syringe to her cannula and pushed down the plunger.

It took a matter of seconds this time and Poppy was out like a light.

(Poppy's POV)

I woke up not really sure what day it was or week even. I still felt groggy; in fact I could barely keep my eyes open. I did feel calmer though, however I couldn't battle the sedation and my eyes fluttered shut.

When I woke again, it was easier to stay awake this time but I wasn't alone.

"Feeling a bit calmer?" Bridget asked

The memories came flooding back and my eyes automatically drifted to her hand which had a white dressing on.

"I'm really sorry" I apologised

"I've had worse" She replied in a strong Australian accent

"Will you take the straps off please?"

She looked at me unsure.

"Okay, listen when you get up you might feel a little woozy yeah?"

I nodded and she undid the straps. I sat up slowly the white paper gown crumpling as I did.

"Can I have my own clothes?"

"Yeah I'll arrange it. What do you think about moving onto the ward? Think you're ready?"

"Can't you just discharge me? I've been here days, I'm back on my meds" I asked

"I want to keep you a bit longer; we need to come up with a plan to make sure this doesn't happen again. How about some visitors?"

I'd only been here a few days and I was missing Rachel like crazy.

I nodded eagerly, before she changed her mind.

Once I was changed into my skinny jeans and a t-shirt I was taken round to a visiting room where Rachel and Lara were waiting for me.

"I'll be right outside if you need me" Bridget said before closing the door

I flung myself into Rachel's arms holding her tighter than ever.

(Rachel's POV)

Poppy wasn't holding a grudge about the whole sectioning thing which to be honest I'd been expecting. I just held her tightly for a while, comforting her. Poppy was her usual bubbly self throughout the whole 2 hours, she spoke about how much she missed chocolate and how she was going to eat Rochdale out of it when she got out.

And then visiting time was up…

Bridget knocked before coming in. "Time's up for today guys"

Tears started to roll down Poppy's face. "Don't go" she begged me "Don't leave me here"

"Poppy you know the rules, we'll be back tomorrow" Lara told her

I could see the nurse stood behind Bridget in the corridor with a syringe in her hand.

"You'll be fine sweetheart" I told her, giving her a hug

But, she wouldn't let go.

"Poppy listen, if you kick off they'll sedate you again. You don't want that" I whispered in her ear

Slowly she let go and stepped back.

"Come on Poppy" Bridget encouraged

(Poppy's POV)

I went back to my room alone, I needed space away from Bridget and the nurses. I closed the door and sat on the edge of my bed, as tears rolled down my face. It wasn't long before I noticed something digging into my leg and I put my hand in my pocket, pulling out the object.

I stared for a long second at the silver shiny razor blade, before closing my hand around it. I checked my watch. 5 minutes until the next checks, there's no way I'd have enough time… Carefully I put the razor back in my pocket and lay on my bed.

As soon as I saw Bridget's face through the small window in my door, I shut myself in the bathroom, the doors didn't lock but we were allowed some privacy. I pulled out the razor again, rolling up my sleeve and quickly made the first cut. I only had 15 minutes until the next set of checks and I'd have to clean up. The cut was deeper than I'd intended and blood poured down my arm.

I made more cuts one after another, each one deeper than I'd meant it to be.

I was interrupted by a knock on the door.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This is actually what happens when you get caught self-harming in hospital. Contrary to popular belief you are allowed mobiles in hospital they just have to be charged in the staff office. Please review Love you guys, you're awesome!

(Bridget's POV)

I scanned my card against the door and let myself in.

"Poppy?" I called

The bathroom door was shut and I knocked on that one too.

"Poppy?" I called again

"Shit!" A cursed whisper came from the other side of the door "Erm, one minute!" She called back

"Poppy I'm going to come in okay?"

"No don't I'm fi-"

I didn't give her chance to answer before I pulled open the bathroom door.

The floor was littered with bloody tissue and Poppy sat in the corner, a small pool of blood at her feet.

I pulled a set of blue latex gloves out of my pocket and snapped them on.

"Oh Poppy… What've you used?" I asked

"Razor…"

I held out my hand.

"Can I have it please?" I asked

She hesitated for a while, her hand closing around the blade.

"You know I can't let you keep it. Let me help you yeah?"

There were a few long seconds but she gave it me.

"Have you got anymore?"

She shook her head.

"Where did you get it?"

"Found it in my pocket" she replied

I took the razor and pressed the call button on the bathroom wall.

(Poppy's POV)

Several nurses all wearing blue gloves came rushing into my room and started searching through my things. One of them knelt down between me and Bridget with a first aid kit and started soaking swabs in saline, before pressing them against my cuts.

After my cuts had been steri stripped and dressed, I heard Bridget talking to one of the nurses.

"We'll have to put her on level 2 observations" Bridget said

The other nurse nodded "You okay to take the first shift?"

"Happy to, it will give us chance to chat"

The nurse left and Bridget settled in a chair just inside the doorway. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling.

"How are you feeling?" Bridget asked

"I want to go home" I insisted

"That isn't going to happen while you keep doing things like this. Why didn't you come and talk to one of us?" Bridget asked

"Because I feel stupid"

"No one is going to think you're stupid okay?"

I nodded.

Hours passed and the staff continued to change around and take their turn to sit and watch me. I didn't sleep much that night; it proved surprisingly hard when I felt like I was being watched. Going to the bathroom was even more embarrassing. The thought of them being able to hear me going to the toilet was just repulsing.

_I stood there frozen, I couldn't move anything. I watched as Jack flew back into the wall. I tried to scream 'Stop it!' But nothing came out. Jack's body crumpled on the floor as mum kicked and hit him for ages. Then he just lay there on the floor lifeless, not moving, pale… Then she turned to me. Her eyes were all black like there were no eyes there at all; she walked towards me slowly raising the knife in her hand as she did so. All I could do was scream, but nothing came out._

I woke up in my room panicked and dripping in sweat, my bed sheets soaked through and my pyjamas. A nurse was stood over my bed, looking down at me and at first I didn't realise. I scrambled backwards on my bed into the corner and looked at her in terror until she flicked the light on.

"It's okay" She reassured me

(Rachel's POV)

Waterloo Road was quiet without Poppy around, so was home. I missed her bubbly personality but at the same time she was where she needed to be. I just missed her so much; it made me want to burst into tears. I'd never been away from her this long; I should never have gone to Australia and left her.

I just needed time to come up with a plan for how to help her.


	11. Chapter 11

*** Three weeks later ***

(Bridget's POV)

Poppy was doing much better recently, her nightmares had calmed down, she was eating, she wasn't kicking off and she'd even started to work with us instead of against us. I continued to try and get her to talk but it was proving difficult. Poppy had a serious emotional block that prevented her from trusting anyone. However, the medication seemed to be doing its job so talking or lack of it wasn't a big deal at the moment.

Today was the day that she was being discharged and while she couldn't wait, the rest of us where a little apprehensive. When Rachel arrived at 12 o'clock, Poppy couldn't wait to get out of the place.

(Poppy's POV)

I couldn't wait to leave the hospital, I'd barely slept last night I was so excited and I'd had my stuff packed for the last 3 days.

As I stepped outside with Rachel pulling my suitcase behind her, the sun was blinding. I'd forgotten how light the outside world was… I climbed in the car, fastening my seatbelt and once Rachel was in we were gone. It was about an hour's drive home and the exhaustion from not sleeping last night was beginning to set in.

I must have drifted off because when Rachel woke me up we were outside the house.

"Go up to bed for a bit" she told me

"Nope I'm fine" I replied sleepily

"Go on missus"

I climbed out of the car, squinting at the daylight and went inside, straight up to my room. I pulled back the duvet and flopped into my bed…

I woke up a few hours later and climbed into the shower before changing into my leggings, a thick jumper and my fluffy socks and padding downstairs to find Rachel in the kitchen.

I smelt it before I saw it, sausages, mash and beans… My favourite!

"Hello sleepy" Rachel smiled as I nearly fell into her arms

I closed my eyes and let her scent overwhelm me. The familiar safe feeling washed over me and I relaxed into her.

"Tea won't be long" she told me, stroking my hair

"Where's Adam?" I asked

"He's away on business, something about a new supplier for the school… So it's just the two of us tonight"

(Rachel's POV)

Poppy was secretly happy that we were having a girls night and that she was getting her favourite tea. I'd missed having someone to look after these past weeks. Poppy was unusually quiet tonight as well.

I put Poppy's favourite film, Girl, interrupted on and we settled down for tea. We didn't even make it to the end of the film before Poppy had fallen asleep with her empty plate still on her knee. I took both plates in the kitchen before carrying her up to bed, it was a good job she was light.

After that I decided to go to bed myself, it had been a long day.

I woke up in the middle of the night needing the bathroom and decided to check on Poppy while I was up only to find her room empty.

I found her in Emily's room asleep in her bed hugging her dressing gown. It had been a tough couple of months so it was understandable that she was thinking of Em more especially with her birthday coming around.

(Poppy's POV)

I was woken up in the morning, which was unusual because Rachel usually let me sleep until I woke up on my own. I stumbled downstairs in a pair of leggings, some fluffy socks and a hoodie with the hood pulled up over my head.

"What's going on?" I grumbled

"There's people to see you" Rachel replied, motioning to the living room

I walked in and took a seat on the sofa. There were two men in suits sat on the other one and Rachel perched on the arm.

"I'm DI Moss, this is DC Blackstock" The first man began

"Whatever it is, it wasn't me. I've been in hospital ask Rachel…" I cut him off

"Poppy…" Rachel said

"We're sorry to have to tell you this but I'm afraid your step father has passed away"

Oh… I just sat there frozen in my seat. How was I supposed to react to that? Was I sad? No. Was I happy about it? Yes. I was glad he was gone but death almost seemed too good for him.


	12. Chapter 12

(Rachel's POV)

To say I was worried that this news way going to send Poppy backwards, with Em's birthday coming up there was too much stress for her to handle.

"As Mr Kent's closest living relative, the funeral arrangements fall to you" The policeman told her

"No." Poppy answered flatly "For I care he can burn"

Then she left the room.

She rushed upstairs and came down five minutes later fully dressed.

"I'm going out" She called

"Poppy…"

(Poppy's POV)

Several hours later I was stumbling up a random road with a bottle of vodka in hand, singing 'I believe I can fly' at the top of my lungs. I was having my own little party celebration. I was glad he was dead and figured the whole world should know. I continued to stumble in and out of the traffic with my arm out wondering which legend was going to give me a lift as I swigged my bottle of whatever spirit I had moved onto… Finally a car pulled over, my vision was blurred but I could just about make out the silver colour of the paint.

I pulled open the back door and fell up the step into the back of the 4x4. I nearly spiller my drink. I used the two front seats to pull myself up and sat in the middle of the backseat.

"Cheers guys" I slurred "On to party central we go!"

I heard the locks click down but thought nothing of it as the two women turned round to look at me. I was so drunk I couldn't even make out their features. One had blonde fuzziness round her face and the others was sort of streaky.

"Sit down and put your seatbelt on" One of them told me in an Australian accent

"G'day mate!" I said a little too loud in the worst imitation possible holding out my hand for them to shake.

"Poppy…" An Australian accent said, but it was a different Australian accent or maybe it just sounded warped to me.

"Cool! You know my name! Are you like a psychic?" I slurred

"Poppy, its Lara and Bridget" One of them said, I didn't really know which one any more.

"Where are we going?"

"Home, so you can sleep it off"

"No I wanna partyyyy!" I half squealed "Oh my god! I have an amazing idea… You can be Lala" I pointed at one of them, probably the wrong one "You can be Bridgo and I'll be a ninjaaa!"

"Rachel's worried sick you know?"

"You know Rachel? Cool she's pretty cool… Did she tell you the cooool news? Ding dong the witch is dead! Or wizard… Whatever same difference"

Suddenly the car door opened and someone pulled me out. I continued to sing oblivious.

"Ding dong the witch is dead, which old witch the wicked witch. Ding dong! The wicked witch is deaaaaaaad!"

"Poppy go inside with Bridget while I ring your mum and let her know you're okay. Well… Safe"

I flung my arm around Bridget's neck, my bottle still in my other hand as I took another swig.

"I'll have that thanks" Lara said taking the bottle out of my hand as I stumbled past her being held up by Bridget

(Bridget's POV)

I set Poppy down on the sofa before she fell over again and after some more drunken rambling she passed out pretty quickly. Lara came in and handed me a coffee after getting off the phone with Rachel.

"Her step dad's dead and its Emily's birthday tomorrow" Lara told me as I took a sip of the hot drink

"So she's celebrating and mourning at the same time" I added as we both watched the sleeping girl

Tomorrow was going to be a tough day. For everyone.

(Poppy's POV)

I woke up feeling like I'd died and been resurrected, my head was pounding, I felt sick to my stomach and I could smell alcohol where ever I went. Luckily for me when I walked into the kitchen Lara had made me bacon and eggs on toast. I sat down at the table and after putting ketchup on it I began to eat like I'd never eaten before, I was starving.

Bridget sat opposite me, sipping her coffee while Lara made herself another. Once I'd finished Lara sat down.

"We need to talk about last night? Putting yourself at risk like that was really dangerous, what if it had been someone else that pulled over? Someone that could have taken advantage of you?" Lara started

I looked at her blankly; I had no clue what she was even on about.

"How much of last night do you remember?" Bridget asked

"Last night?" I questioned "I went to the off license about 11 in the morning, and then about 3pm I went to a few pubs… But apart from that…"

"Well we found you trying to hitch a lift on the dual carriageway whilst singing I believe I can fly to a bottle of Sambuca about 11pm"

I burst out laughing, despite Lara and Bridget both looking unimpressed, I just couldn't hold it in.

"Oh come on? That's funny!" I told them

I had absolutely no recollection of it and given the headache I had it must have been one hell of a party.

"Why were you drinking in the first place? You know you can't drink with your meds"

"Meds, shmeds it was one time. I was celebrating"

"We know what today is, it's okay for you to be upset" Lara said

"Shut up" I warned her

"Okay, but we aren't going to pretend it's just a normal day"

"Why not? It is" I said bluntly


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: The following chapter is rated M for suicidal scenes and self harm descriptions. Readers judgment is asked to be used before reading and this scene should in no way influence real life actions. Don't like it don't read it.

(Rachel's POV)

Poppy arrived home with Lara and Bridget shortly after 11, Poppy rushed straight up to her room without so much as a hello and slammed the door. I sighed deeply, I was angry and sympathetic at the same time. Em's birthday was always going to be difficult for her and she was struggling more than she'd ever admit but at the same time she wasn't the only one that was finding today hard.

Lara and Bridget waited in the living room while I made some coffees and brought them in. Coffee seemed to have become the answer to problems in our house. Whatever Poppy did there was always a coffee waiting.

As we sat there drinking coffee while Lara and Bridget tried to make conversation I found myself drifting away. All I could think was that I didn't dare go up those stairs because I didn't know what state I was going to find Poppy in.

"Lara could you..." I didn't even have to finish my sentence before she nodded and stood up placing her cup on the table and headed off to the kitchen.

I caught a glimpse of Lara towels and first aid kit in hand before she headed upstairs. She was clearly expecting the same disaster as I was.

(Lara's POV)

I stopped outside Poppy's bedroom door and took a deep breathe clutching the first aid kit tightly in my hand as I prepared myself for what I was going to find. It was Poppy's way of dealing with things, I was always going to find some horror and despite it being my job you never got use to things like this.

I could hear a faint tapping from the other side of the door and suddenly I knew.

"Bridget!" I screamed as I dropped the first aid kit and towels and burst through the door.

It only took a glimpse of Poppy hanging from the banister of the private staircase for me to fly into action. I grabbed hold of her legs pushing her body upwards. Bridget rushed past me and untied the rope pulling Poppy's body up over the banister and laying her on the floor.

I began to pump my hands on her chest, stopping every few beats to blow air against her pale blue lips. After 10 minutes I'd almost given up hope when Poppy started choking and gasping for air and her bright blue eyes fluttered open. By this point Rachel had joined us.

It took a few minutes for Poppy to realize what had happened and then she flung her hands against my chest, luckily I was expecting it and caught her arms pulling her into my chest.

"You've taken Em away from me again!" She yelled at me starting to sob

I held her tighter as she thrashed against my body and eventually she relented and settled against me crying harder than I'd ever seen. It was like she couldn't control it anymore and it all came flowing out.

(Poppy's POV)

I'd never felt so bad, it felt like nothing was ever going to be okay again. I didn't know what to do other than cry and it felt like the tears would never stop. Inevitably they did but it took a while...

"We need to get you to a hospital, get you checked over" Lara told me

"No... Please... They'll send me back" I pleaded

Neither of us seemed to want me to go back to the hospital and Lara took me downstairs to the kitchen to check me over herself.

She steri stripped and dressed my wrist and poked at my neck for a while then asked me daft questions like my name and what day it was… As if I needed reminding of that. After coming to the conclusion that I was physically okay, I was left to sit awkwardly in the corner of the living room while the three adults tried to pretend they weren't watching me.

It was so awkward and it was making me feel so subconscious. All I wanted was to be left alone.

There was a brief knock on the front door and I got to my feet to open it. I pulled open the door to see Adam stood there.

"Ugh it's you" I said glumly


	14. Chapter 14

(Adam's POV)

"Nice to see you too kiddo" I replied

She seemed down, more than she usually allowed other people to see. I caught a glimpse at a bandage on her wrist before she pulled her hoodie sleeves over her hands.

I followed her into the living room where Lara, Rachel and a woman I hadn't seen before sat.

"Dad, Bridget... Bridget, dad" Poppy introduced us

"What do you want?" She asked turning to me

"Poppy!" Rachel scolded "Your dad's here to take you out for tea"

"Fuck sake" Poppy grumbled "Why can't you lot just leave me alone?"

"Because then we'd have a repeat of this morning" Rachel told her

"I haven't seen you for months and now you just turn up out of the blue" She told me

"Why doesn't your mum come too and Lara and Bridget too"

"Great!" Poppy answered sarcastically "Tea with the psychiatrist the psychologist and you two"

"We'll leave you guys to it" Bridget said

(Rachel's POV)

Recently I'd sort of stepped back as a mother to Poppy and let Lara take the reins, I really hadn't known what to do with her and I couldn't take seeing her nearly dead again. She needed help but for once I didn't know how to give it her. Today was just a reminder than I'd already failed with one daughter and Poppy was going to end up the same way if she wasn't careful.

"No don't bother, we aren't going anywhere..." Poppy said getting up and leaving the room

Lara stood up to follow but I motioned for her to sit down, it was my turn to step up and be the mum that Poppy needed.

I stood up following her upstairs with only a few minutes in between, she'd already managed to get a mouth full of tablets.

"Spit them out… Now…" I told her pushing her into the bathroom

She gradually fell to her knees as she reached the toilet and gagged on the tablets. I bent down behind her rubbing her back gently and encouraging her body to reject more of the pills.

"Good girl" I told her softly

I made her show me her mouth and when I was sure there were no more I let her lay down with her head in my lap as I gently smoothed her hair against her head. She didn't say a single word throughout the whole process but when she did it was a simple one line.

"Why won't you let me go?" She asked softly, her voice emotionless

"Because I'm your mum, I love you even if you don't want me to" I answered "Today is a reminder that I messed up once I can't lose you too"

I moved her to the bed and let her sleep the night through, but I couldn't shake the bad feeling I had inside.

I was woken by the sound of screeching brakes and a horn. I sat up instantly the sick feeling rising in my stomach before I even noticed she was gone.

(Poppy's POV)

5 minutes and one step after I'd left my bed I stepped out into the road and bang that was it, I was thrown into the air and then everything just went dark.

(Lara's POV)

We were all woken up by the screech of tyres and the sound of a car horn. The sound made me feel sick, like I knew already what had happened.

I grabbed my dressing gown rushing downstairs and out into the street followed by Bridget and Adam from a few doors down.

Poppy's mangled body lay in the road, blood covering her face and the bone from her lower left leg just visible through her jeans. It was Emily all over again. I turned quickly as my training kicked in.

"Don't let Rachel see this" I told Adam and he disappeared back inside. I could hear them arguing.

I rushed to Poppy's side as Bridget held her head still. A passer-by had already called an ambulance so it was just a case of doing what I could to help her until they reached us.

She was breathing that was a good sign but it was starting to look like she had a serious head injury, her leg was broken in several places and her foot was starting to turn a faint purple colour and we couldn't rule out any spinal injuries without a scan.

As the sirens got closer Rachel broke through the crowd just as I was trying to straighten the break in Poppy's leg. Her hand closed over her mouth as she crumbled, I'd never seen Rachel fall apart before but the sight of Poppy lying there was just too much.

Then the worst thing happened… Poppy's heart stopped.

(Poppy's POV)

_I woke up on the beach the warm yellow sand pressing against my bare legs that the white floaty dress didn't protect. Standing up I dug my feet into the warm grains and let them run through my toes. Then I saw her… My little sister, exactly as I remembered her. Chocolate brown eyes you could melt into… _

"_What are you doing here Poppy?" She asked _

"_I missed you" I replied in a soft voice_

"_I miss you too but you can't keep doing this to Rachel, she's done so much for us"_

"_I can't do it on my own Em, without you everything is so empty… It hurts" I told her a tear running down my face_

_She stepped closer and melted into my waiting arms, her fingers closing slightly at the touch of the material of my dress._

"_I hate thinking of you all alone… My baby sister"_

"_I'm not alone, I have friends here you just can't see them yet because you aren't here fully" Em replied_

"_What do you mean not here fully?" I asked_

"_Your body is still fighting, you're not dead"_

"_My body? I thought I had the choice like last time"_

"_It doesn't work that way Poppy"_


	15. Chapter 15

(Lara's POV)

Poppy had gone from bad to worse, after surviving the surgery to stop a bleed on her brain she still hadn't regained consciousness. Rachel had sat by her bedside day and night waiting for her to wake up but so far she hadn't. As I re-entered the room, I handed Rachel a coffee… She was worn out but wouldn't leave her side.

"Why don't you go home? Get some sleep?" I offered

"I can't leave her…" Rachel replied

"Rachel come on… You need to look after yourself as well, you're no good to Poppy if you collapse from exhaustion. You need to sleep…" I argued

"What if she wakes up and I'm not here? What if she doesn't? Oh Lara I've really let her down" She told me a tear rolling down her face

"You haven't let her down… I'll call you if anything changes… The smallest thing" I told her

"You'll call me? You promise?"

I nodded. "The smallest thing"

Rachel nodded and finally left. I took a seat in the chair beside Poppy's bed and put my coffee on the floor near the chair leg. I took hold of her hand… She was so cold.

"Okay Gromit, listen up… I need you to fight… You're the one holding us all together. Without you we all have nothing…" I said, stopping to wipe tears from my eyes. "What would we do without you?"

(Poppy's POV)

_I sat on the beach letting the waves lap up at my feet whilst I picked up handfuls of sand and let it slowly drain between my fingers._

"_You can't carry on like this Poppy, I know you miss me but they need you"_

"_You need me… I'm supposed to look after you"_

"_I don't need looking after… Not anymore. I'm safe now and one day we'll be together when the time is right…" Em said _

"_Who says now isn't the right time?"_

"_I do… My death was an accident… But I can't sit here and watch you self-destruct anymore. Not when you mean so much to people. You need to move on and concentrate on the people that are alive… I'm always going to be here, they aren't. You have to fight…"_

_She sounded so grown up and confident, maybe she was right. Maybe she didn't need me anymore…_

(Lara's POV)

Hours had passed and nothing had changed Poppy just laid there lifeless and cold, I was starting to think the worst… What if she didn't come back this time? What then? What were the people she left behind supposed to do? We were nothing without her… We had nothing without her.

Personally I'd stopped working for Poppy… I didn't have any family close and a few select friends that I spoke to. I couldn't imagine even meeting new clients if Poppy didn't wake up.

Rachel who had been married to her job had met and married Adam because of Poppy she'd fallen in love more than once and Poppy had provided her with the family that she'd never had.

Adam had met Rachel and fallen in love with his family…

Everyone had changed because of her and without her things just seemed empty.

More time passed and nothing… She wasn't even breathing on her own…

I had just stood up to go and get myself another coffee when something stopped me in my tracks.

Her sats level was at 50% and rising… She was fighting back.

I pressed the nurse's button quickly and rushed to her side.

"Poppy? Can you hear me?"

(Poppy's POV)

"_Poppy? Poppy? Can you hear me?" _

_The voice was distorted at first but then it got clearer, it was Lara… Why? Why could I hear her now?_

_Em looked at me a small smile on her face._

"_You did it" She beamed _

"_Did what?"_

"_You kept fighting…"_

"_What? No I don't want to leave you…"_

"_We talked about this they need you more than I do"_

"_Please don't make me go…" I pleaded_

_She hugged me tightly as my skin started to fade._

"_It's okay…" She smiled_

I woke up in hospital, in so much pain it made me gasp. That was when I realised there was something in my throat. I instantly went to grab it as I started to choke and panic.

But someone beat me to the job as they grabbed hold of my wrists…

(Lara's POV)

"Poppy it's okay… Just relax" I told her


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

(Poppy's POV)

I didn't know what to do anymore.. So much hurt everything hurt, inside and out… I was tearing everyone that cared about me apart and I wasn't sure how much more they could take. Rachel was tired I could tell that much, she didn't have the energy for me to keep putting her through this… I'd tried so much, maybe I just wasn't meant to die. People had been trying to tell me… Em, Rachel, Lara… I just hadn't wanted to hear it. I think deep down I knew I couldn't carry on like this but I didn't know how to change… I needed help, a lot of it… But who did I ask?

My eyes drifted to the person sat by my bedside reading a magazine… The obvious place to start.

"Lara?" I said quietly

"What's up sweetheart?" She asked "Do you need some more pain meds?"

"No… I need… I need help…" I admitted

Lara placed her magazine on the table and uncrossed her legs, leaning forward. She smiled softly.

"You have no idea, how long we've waited for you to say that…"

"How do I… You know? Go about it" I asked

"Well it depends what you think will help you the most… Do you want Rachel to do something? Me? Counselling? Professional help? Meds?" She suggested

"I think I want to see Dr Kozinsky again and Bridget…" I admitted, a little embarrassed

Lara smiled gently. "I can sort that"

"Okay…"

It didn't take long for Lara to arrange things and Dr Kozinsky was down within the hour. Lara left is too it, I'd told her to take Rachel to get some proper food.

"You asked to see me?" She asked, taking a seat beside me

I nodded gently. "I don't really know what I'm supposed to say though…"

"Why don't we start with why you asked to see me?"

"I Erm… I need help" I said quietly. Somehow it seemed stupid saying it out loud. "I need the shit to stop, I can't carry on like this… I want to try medication again"

"You know for this to work you have to take it? Even when you don't want to? There's no point on me prescribing you meds if you aren't committed to taking them" she told me

"I know, I want things to change"

"Okay… We'll start you on 30mg of Duloxetine and 5mg of Aripiprazole and we'll see how that goes… It's going to take a few weeks for us to see how that effects you. So I'll get that written up and I'll send you an appointment for about 4 weeks time. In the mean time I think it would be good for you to talk to someone" Dr Kozinsky told me

"I know… Bridget Westfall is going to come and see me"

"Good, it's nice to see you engaging" She said "I'll get you that prescription… Anything else you want to ask me?"

I shook my head gently.

(Lara's POV)

It seemed like we were finally getting somewhere with Poppy and because she'd agreed to see Sharon I'd managed to persuade Rachel to leave the hospital and get some actual food and a shower. Rachel was looking a bit worse for wear and hadn't been home in about a week. I had a niggling feeling that Poppy wasn't the only one that wanted to talk.

"Hey, everything okay with you? How you holding up?" I asked

"I'm alright, I'm just waiting until I can breathe again…" Rachel told me

"I know you're worried but you need to be looking after yourself as well…"

"I just hope something changes this time… I'm so scared I'm going to lose her Lara"

"I know but all we can do is be there for her and try and help her through this"

\- 4 weeks later -

(Poppy's POV)

Weeks had passed and things were changing. I'd pretty much healed and I was trying to put the past behind me. I'd been given a new diagnosis of Borderline personality disorder/Bipolar and the meds were really helping now the doses had been upped to 90mg and 20mg… I'd had a few more piercings and finally got Finn's name removed from my wrist. My once long hair had been cut into a short cropped do with a long ish fringe that swept across my forehead and overall my look had altered.

I didn't want to be that girl that shit happened to anymore. I didn't like who I was very much, the girl that was walked over and treated like crap by everyone. I didn't want to be the girl that bad stuff had happened to… I didn't want to be the crazy girl anymore. I just wanted to be like everybody else. So I changed…

I stopped being the victim... I was taking my meds... And today I was starting my sessions with Bridget… Who coincidentally had been given a job as the new school counsellor.

Today was my first day back since everything had happened and it was my first appointment with Bridget… A lot of new things. It's no wonder I was so nervous.

_**A/N: Okay so it's been a while… But I'm trying to get Poppy back to where she needs to be. Reviews as always are totally welcome… :) BW96**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

(Poppy's POV)

I finally persuaded myself to stop thinking about the day that lay ahead and get out of bed. I got showered and dressed in black jeans, navy blue converse hi tops, a white shirt, tie and my black hoodie, there wasn't much I could do with my new hair cut other than brush it.

I threw a few extras in my black vans rucksack before slinging the straps over my shoulders and rushing downstairs… It was only 7:15am… I had plenty of time.

"Morning… You hungry?" Rachel asked

"Erm I'm going to grab something at school"

"What did we say about you taking care of yourself?" Rachel threw

"I know, I am… It's a big day… I kinda wanna go have a chat with Em about it before school"

Rachel seemed to back off a bit at that.

"That's a good idea… You haven't been for a while" She smiled softly

"Yeah… So… I better get going. Don't wanna be late"

"Don't forget you've got Bridget this afternoon in your free period"

"I haven't forgotten"

I went up to her and kissed her cheek quickly. "Love you" I called as I rushed for the door.

On the way to the cemetery I picked up some flowers. It was harder than I thought going back there… But I didn't want to show up at school with red eyes so I held it together. I bent down and placed the pink roses in front of her headstone before pulling my sleeve over my hand and scrubbing away at the obscene pictures and words that had been painted on Em's headstone with blue spray paint.

It made me angry but also sad, Em had never said a bad word about anyone ever… She'd been the sweetest little girl I'd ever known. What sort of sick bastard spray painted a 12 year olds headstone?

Despite my best efforts the paint didn't budge, I'd have to come back after school with some cleaning stuff and scrub it properly before Rachel saw it.

"Hey Em, Sorry it's been a while… I haven't really known what to say after you know? I miss having you around… Having to look after you and having you try and look after me" I smiled at the thought "So today's a big day huh? Back at school and first therapy session… I'm kinda scared to be honest I know I need some help but I know it's not going to be easy… There's a lot I don't want to talk about. I hope you're okay up there? I brought your favourites… I'm sorry about the mess Angel, I'm going to sort it out after school it'll be good as new, I promise"

The paint was clearly the work of someone trying to get to me rather than to Em… She'd never done a thing wrong to anybody in her whole life.

I sat with her for a while just chatting about how things had been until time forced me to leave.

I made it to school for about 8:15, which gave me 15 minutes to sort my life out. I headed straight to my locker to dump a few heavy text books and pick up the exercise books I'd left.

As I stood staring at the locker in front of me I felt disheartened and angry… Scribbled on the front in the same shade of blue spray paint if seen on Em's headstone was:

**WELCOME BACK SLUT**

I'd known today wasn't going to be easy but I'd been hoping for a simple day… Keep my head down, get on with the work and go home. Apparently that wasn't going to happen… I didn't have a choice but to let it go… Something told me the person that had done my locker had done Em's headstone but I couldn't prove anything and it was a big school…

I pushed my locker door shut and turned around to head to class, nearly bumping in to Rachel as I did so. She glanced at my locker and then at me sympathetically.

"I'll make an announcement in assembly, I'll find out who did this…" She told me

"Please don't… It'll just make things worse"

"Poppy, you don't need this right now… I will not have bullying in my school"

"It's just a bit of hazing… It'll die down in a few days"

"What happened to your sleeve?" She asked looking down at the dyed blue fabric

"I tried to rub it off that's all…"

There was no way I could tell her the truth, she'd hit the roof and possibly exclude everyone she suspected.

(Rachel's POV)

I'd spoken to all the teachers about Poppy's first day back and they were all trying to make it as easy for her as possible. The students on the other hand seemed to be trying to make it as hard as possible. Sometimes I wondered why kids could be so cruel… It really wasn't fair.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

(Poppy's POV)

Everywhere I went people stared… It was like they couldn't help themselves. Rumours had spread and if become known as the crazy girl with the dead sister. Thankfully Lindsay James my only friend at the moment stuck to me like glue most of the day… We had a few classes together.

I did exactly what I'd promised myself and kept my head down and worked. At break I was walking down the corridor one minute and the next I was flat on my face on the floor… I turned around to see Amy Porter behind me her foot stuck out…

"Oops… You really should watch where you're walking" She sniggered

I put my hand to my nose which was throbbing after I landed flat on it… It was bleeding pretty bad. I got to my feet and continued walking down the corridor towards the nurses office. I had to let it slide I couldn't get caught fighting on my first day back…

As I walked into the nurses office I was met by Lara… Perfect just what I needed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked

"The nurse is off sick, what happened?" She asked

"I fell" I quickly lied

I took a seat and she handed me a tissue before pulling on some latex gloves and feeling my face.

"Good news is it's not broken… Are you going to tell me what really happened?" She questioned

"I tripped… I'm clumsy, okay?" I insisted

"Maybe I should ask Rachel what she thinks?"

"No!... There's no need for that…" I answered quickly

"What happened?" She asked again

"I tripped…" I told her "Over Amy Porter's foot… Which just happened to stick out in front of me"

"You know I've seen your locker… I'm going to put a stop to this bullying"

"It's fine… It's nothing, the novelty will wear off soon"

I left the office after she promised not to tell Rachel and got back to class. I had 2 Amy free classes and then it was lunch so all in all not bad. I walked into maths late.

"Poppy you're late" Miss Boston said

"Sorry I was with the nurse…" I said rushing to my seat and pulling my books out

The class passed pretty quickly and as did Chemistry… Before I knew it, it was lunch and I rushed to the canteen with Lindsay before the queue got too long. Everyone was staring at me and whispering until I ditched my tray and left. I was heading to the library when suddenly I got pushed into the wall, hard… I stood there shocked for a minute.

"You know, nobody likes a grass?" Amy sniggered

"What? What are you on about?" I asked, timidly

"You grassed me up to Stone even though it's not my fault you can't watch where you walk…"

She landed a punch in my ribs and I bent over, winded.

"Amy let her go!" A voice sounded down the corridor

Amy and her friends ran off leaving me bent over in the corridor. Bridget put her arm around me holding me up… But I pushed her off.

"I'm fine!" I snapped

"Yeah you look fine…" Bridget said sarcastically

"Just… Back off!" I snapped, picking myself up and walking off

I had P.E after lunch and we were playing football outside. Amy, who was on the opposite team tripped me up yet again only this time was different…

"Enjoy my artwork?" She sniggered while I was on the ground

What? Was she responsible for Em's headstone? My blood was starting to boil as I got to my feet.

"What did you say?" I threw back

"I said did you enjoy the nice picture I left for your tramp of a sister?"

I heard it but it was out of earshot for anyone other than her friends.

I was going to kill the bitch! Suddenly I started shaking as the adrenaline coursed through my body… I rugby tackled her into the mud and started hitting her in the face.

Miss Boston blew her whistle as people began to gather round but I wasn't listening. I hit her as hard as I could and blood streamed from her nose. She grabbed hold of my hair and we rolled a few times before she grabbed my head and smashed it against the ground. My barely healed nose reopened straight away and my face was covered with a mixture of blood and mud. We continued to fight for several minutes before Miss Boston finally tore us apart.

"The pair of you get to Miss Mason's office… NOW!"


End file.
